Post apocalyptic movies are a weird breed.  More often than not, they end up being a production designer’s wet dream.  Style ends up overshadowing any kind of substance, which really sucks because post apocalyptic films look SO awesome, what with all the dirt and grime and slapped together technology.  For every awesome spiked set of shoulder pads, there should be a compelling character wearing them.  But this is usually not the case.  They usually end up as hollow, awesome looking shells of films.  For every Mad Max, Road Warrior, Blade Runner and Escape From New York, there is a Tank Girl, a Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, and an Escape From LA.

Hardware though, is definitely one of the good ones.   It follows the path of a destroyed robot corpse, from a minefield in the wasteland, into the hands of a radiation-poisoned soldier named Moe (played by Dylan McDermott), who buys the corpse (from a guy who looks exactly like Al Jorgensen) for his artist girlfriend to use in one of her sculptures.  The story takes place in an unnamed post apocalyptic city that was definitely shot on the cheap (the establishing shots are all of an old refinery), but it works, as McDermott and his Astronaut buddy pick through the decaying city, get a ride in a boat-cab driven by Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister (who makes them listen to “Ace of Spades” in the cab!), while a radio DJ named Angry Bob (played by Iggy Pop) shouts about the mounting death tolls in an unseen war, and his “industrial dick”.  Though we don’t see much of the city (due to a ridiculously low budget), director Richard Stanley makes it work and definitely gives the feel of a complete world surrounding what is really a very small story.

After the robot is in the hands of his girl, she gets inspired, and (in an awesome montage set to Ministry’s “Stigmata” and footage of Gwar playing/people being massacred) finishes one of her sculptures, with the robot skull as the centerpiece.  Then she has crazy sex with Moe (the crazy sex scene.  required if you made a horror/sci fi movie in the late 80’s/90’s) while a freaky peeping tom pervert looks on through his crazy Predator-filtered infrared telescope.  That’s another thing I loved about this movie, all the wild color filters Richard Stanley applied in shooting.  Sure they all looked VERY 90’s, but they also worked to complete the “world” of the movie, as if we all had to revert to some dated, thrown together video technology in the wake of the apocalypse.  It gave the world a real “feel”, that I still think about and want to return to.  Brazil and shit.

Then Moe gets a frantic call from a friend who discovers that the robot is actually a highly advanced government killing machine, designed to control the population, capable of rebuilding itself and being generally bad-ass.  He heads out to meet his buddy and get more info, and the movies picks up steam, with the robot slowly rebuilding itself and terrorizing his girlfriend, while Moe struggles to get back to her.  That’s another great thing about this movie, is that the male isn’t necessarily the hero, and the “female victim” (another 80’s/90’s horror/sci-fi movie staple) has to do most of the smart thinking and robot-fighting.

Then, this scene happens.  The robot’s first kill (horror/sci-fi movie staple number three) shows up in a strange form, as the freaky (really freaky) herpe-lipped pervert who has been spying on Moe’s girlfriend for her entire life.  He comes over because he was pissed that she closed the shades…and well…this happens.  This guy is an amazing actor, alternating between freaky as hell and funny, whoever he is.  Awesome death scene ensues.  NSFW.

I won’t spoil much more, but it escalates after that into a film about bigger concepts, and that’s where it unravels, but only slightly.  The fact that Moe is gone and his girl is fighting this murderous robot alone opens up some questions about their relationship, and his eventual return for his “Hero Moment” devolves into an extremely bugged-out (but effective) vision quest that ends in a kind of Last Temptation of Christ/martyr freakout (seriously) – complete with fractals, flashbacks, and acid imagery.  In short, it gets WEIRD, but where the cheese comes through and the music gets a little too dramatic and the concepts get a little too high-minded, the awesome look of the movie and wild cinematography jump in to save it.

I loved it.  I really did.  I didn’t love it so much for the story, but like I said, for the world it created around the story, and for the ways it messed with the genre formula.  Its not traditional, and it definitely kept me guessing the whole time.  Which is HUGE for a movie of its breed, that could have easily been another post-apocalyptic visual thing with a lacking story and a predictable ending.  Nope, it took all the best parts of the genre and fucked with them, creating a totally satisfying experience.

8 year old me would have FLIPPED SHIT over this.  I wouldn’t have understood much of the last 30 minutes (also, its BARELY 90 MINUTES!  I love when movies don’t abuse your attention span), but it probably would have really stuck with me, causing me to go out and tell everyone I knew at daycare about it.  Which means that I haven’t changed much, because here I am, 27 years old, deeply affected by this movie, and telling everyone I know about it…

…and that is awesome.

Up next, Popcorn.

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