Date: December 8th, 2006. 4:28 pm.
Type of alcohol: Champagne, the shitty variety.
Number of Drinks: 1 plastic glass.
Purpose: Surprising Brian McKnight. Dude had no idea a bunch of jerks who don’t know him were going to be there pretending they “go way back”.
Buzz?: Maybe for the first 4 minutes.
Fun Fact: I was supposed to be working, but the DTs and the shakes led me to the champers downstairs at my old employer.

Ah fuck,

So you are all going to this party if you are in the NYC area this weekend. Last time we ran out of free sparks 10 minutes before we said we would, and people were seriously angry…about fucking SPARKS.

My favorite moment was 2 hours and 10 minutes into working there, this exchange happened:

Stupid Girl: “You said there was free booze. It’s all gone”
Me [making change and giving wristbands to 3 people at once]: “I’m sorry ma’am but there is nothing I can do.”
Stupid Girl: “You are taking advantage of poor college kids with this party.”
Me [putting wristbands on 4 people at once]: “Look, we have two theatres of movies, two rooms of music, and tons of other cool shit, if you came for the free sparks you came for the wrong reason.”
Stupid Girl: “I want my five dollars back”
Me [counting out change from a hundred]: “No refunds”
Stupid Girl: “I want to talk to your boss”
Me [trying to get security guards to stop the throng of people with cool sneakers from beating down the door]: “He’s the guy running around with skulls on his t-shirt. Anyway, he said he wont do refunds because he is a big Jew. You understand.”
Stupid Girl: “This bullshit and you are being a jerk.”
Me: “Look, I will buy you a fucking happy meal, just leave me alone.”

Whatever, she had like 2 hours to get her free booze. So yes, you will be there, it always gets crazy packed full of gorgeous women, gift bags, great music, and yes, free sparks. Get the fuck in there. I don’t usually recommend parties, but I am recommending this one because I write for them and I help them out because they fucking rule.

So this party being this weekend means I’m out this week every night “promoting”, which means I have an excuse to go to 2-6 different bars and clubs every night to pass out flyers. It could be my return to debauched form. I’ve been a little bit of a wimp lately and I’m ready to balance that out with some outright stupidity. I will let you know if this actually happens.

I think I am going to have to document every time I drink on the job. With this format.

Date: Decmber 1st, 2006
Type of alcohol: Champagne, the shitty variety
Number of Drinks: 2 plastic glasses
Purpose: Presenting one of our artists with a platinum plaque.
Buzz?: Maybe for the first 10 minutes.
Fun Fact: It is perfectly acceptable to walk in to a ‘platinum presentation’, speak to only one person, swallow two glasses of champagne in record time, and walk out.

I am also going to start taking inventory of other things that go on here.