I’ve been incapable of the “long post” since that sprawling music business list…jesus. It actually does take some skill to make these “list” things that the whole internet seems to be so fond of. So, being that I am drained for now, its all bite sized posts and obnoxious “what is the deal with that?” type of nonsense.

Disfear – Get it Off

I’m convinced this song was sponsored by these guys. You hear what you want to hear, but I think this is about letting shit go, forcibly purging the dead weight and stagnant skin cells you have been shackled with as a human. “I just wanna, get it off, get it off my brain”. This might be about meditation and deep breathing, or it might be about the other end of the spectrum, thrashing about, sweating, driving fast, and knocking into your friends. Either way its fucking beautiful and powerful, and if you don’t find yourself throwing out ridiculous looking fist pumps then you are not alive.

They are playing the Knitting Factory in April, see you there.

Disfear, by the way, is a beast. The lead singer from At The Gates and some members from Entombed (too lazy to look this up)…its like the Swedish Death Metal A-Team. Enjoy, and if you’ve never heard At The Gates, fuuuuuuuuuuuck you:

At the Gates – Suicide Nation (Alternate Version)

Other than that, I’ve been working on a pretty huge piece for Vice. We’ve been going round and round with revisions, but I hope to have it out soon. I will keep you posted.

And, JUSTICE, tomorrow at MSG. Yup, I’ll be in there with the tight jeans set, praying they put Ministry and “We are your friends” together again.

Have a great week.

Ogre is an evil bastard.

When I met Ogre he was running around this party talking about how “hamboned” he was. He was making everyone do shots of 99 bananas until he took out the CD that was playing to show everyone his favorite Third Eye Blind songs. He would demand that everyone in the room listen while he skipped from track to track, never playing a whole song , “no, no dude, you have to hear the words on this. this is epic!” So he made everyone be all quiet and it totally got so awkward that everyone started leaving.

Another time he visited me in New York. We were on the subway and he started talking in this really loud voice. The train was packed and he was talking and laughing about how cool it was that New York was so diverse, he was like, “Man, there’s not this many Mexicans in Wisconsin, do you think they are all here illegally? Do you think they know my roofer? Miguel and I were friends because one time I was all, ‘me gusta la chicas’, and then he was all, ’si!’ It was fun talking Spanish with him I only took one semester but yeah, basically, I’m friends with Mexicans.”

He also once gave me the worst birthday present ever He was all giggling and happy giving me this envelope, so I thought it would be something cool, like tickets to a Chicago cover band called “Gary”, or a gift certificate to Chili’s or something else sweet like that, but it was actually tickets to go to this thing called “Living and Loving the Light with Jesus”. He was all psyched because it was this like 3 day seminar with a shitload of christian rap-metal bands and guest speakers and a ceremony where you bring your girlfriend and they bless you and make you be celibate for the rest of your life. I tried to be gracious and accept the gift as he was all, “I’m so stoked that you are finally ready to accept Jesus with me, brosef!”

Then he bought a visor, turned it around, put it on upside down, and high-fived me.

Alright, so my friends are a bunch of Scheister scumbags, thats right. I love you guys but none of you are blameless – all flawed and terrible people just like me, so I will be airing your dirty laundry all over this thing. BOO-YAH!

My first subject is Jess, this whole thing was her idea.

I once saw Jess decline a phone call from her grandmother because she was drunk and playing skee-ball in a bar. She never called her back.

I also heard that one time, Jess’ mom gave her a really expensive jacket from Chanel one winter and she sold it at a vintage clothes store for 1/3 the price because it “wasn’t her style”.

Another time, a friend of a friend gave her a demo CD from her new band. This friend of a friend worked for 2 years and spent all the money from her mom’s accidental death malpractice suit to record the demo. She could only afford one copy, so she gave it to Jess, thinking that it would be in good hands. Jess told her she would “check it out and pass it along”. She listened to it once, called it “stupid hippie jam-band bullshit” and took it out to listen to Creed instead. She now avoids the friend of a friend’s phone calls.

She also runs toddler fights in the back of a van in Long Island City. The toddlers are all also disabled and punch drunk from all the fighting. Her main fighter, a 3 year old monster who goes by the handle “BrickDick” just had to retire so she has been prowling daycares “looking for new talent”.

Jess is a nefarious individual, stay away at all costs.

You’re next. Yes, you.