Yeah yeah I know I haven’t posted in awhile, whatever, but I came across this, and while I’m not usually the type to “lolz” or whatever the hell these kids are doing these days, I’m willing to make an exception in some hilarious cases.
This photo came across my e-desk in my office on the third floor of the internet. It came to me via my assistant, Emilio Estevez from Freejack, and it is the best thing I have ever seen.
First of all, lets hope that the little girl is OK. OK? She’s fine. She went on to live a full and happy life because this woman clearly had complete control of the situation and wouldn’t let anything happen to her (probably) niece.
Second of all, lets call this what it is, but then ignore what it is so the hilarity can flow freely. This is probably photoshopped. Almost 80 percent sure that it is. If it is, I don’t give a damn. Give the photo-shoppist a bucket of my laughing tears and a gold watch as a reward, because he needs to be recognized as a god among men before he dies covered in bedsores at his computer. This guy is the Van Gogh of the internet. Lets not let his life end without recognition for such a work of art.
Finally, lets attack this as if it were a real life snapshot of a real life situation. So many questions. What was interesting that the photographer was trying to capture? Lets watch my niece plays with our dog (fucking HELLBEAST) while my lovely wife (who is awesome with both kids and dogs) supervises? What is the woman holding the dog thinking? She seems to be nodding off…which makes this so much better. One person in this picture is bored to the point of nodding off. The other person is in full-on primal holy fuck a fucking sabretooth tiger is chasing me I’ll never sleep again mode. That’s fear right there folks. Look at it in the face. Right there.
Furthermore, where are they? Is that chicken wire around the gates of fucking hell? Because that thing is clearly a one-headed Cerebrus. AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT DOG? Good god its horrifying. Its like, hey I’m a little girl walking along in my yellow raincoat thinking that there is no way that the things from my nightmares will ever be real, well maybe there is a slight chance but my parents told me it was all good so now I’m just hanging out with my aunt and uncle on their meth ranch and I’m eating a Push Up and fucking WHAM! EVERYTHING I EVER WAS AFRAID OF EVER IS NOW REAL AND ALIVE AND TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME. I will never trust anyone again.
Congratulations That Picture, you have now unseated this Bill Dance Fishing Bloopers Montage as the best thing I have ever seen.